Gorillas can walk upright; this is not new news. But did you know they also carry guns, drive pickups, and pay taxes from time to time? It's true; bulltrue, in fact. SO. I went on a date tonight. A first date! Kinda. Unless you count that *other* first date that was super fun, but was coffee and breakfast, followed by several months of radio silence. Ahem. But I digress...
I'm not a very girly girl. It's neither a point of pride nor a source of shame; it is what it is. 'Just is. But what's fun about going out with the knuckle-dragger that I had dinner with tonight is that he makes. me. feel. like a SUPER girly-girl. I still can't decide if I love him or hate him, but that's what relationships are all about, right? Passion? In any event, it's fun to feel girly, especially since I have trouble doing it on my own. So, knuckle-boy, despite all my reservations about you (i.e., not reading books; preferring anything meat over non-meat; being an anti-Obama birther -- you get the point), I would like to thank you for bringing me back to the primal state of how things *might* should probably be: you, Tarzan; me, Jane.
Btw, I haven't even watched this 2-minute clip, but I thought it might be appropriate anyway. Enjoy.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The Non-Parenting Parents
I work in an office where I give individuals information that will hopefully help them out and (I like to pretend) change their lives for the better. So, I expect that when someone comes to see me, they want to hear what I am saying and recognize that we are both using our time to create some sort of positive outcome. That rarely happens.
There are certain situations that bug me more than others. I just had an encounter with one: The Non-Parenting Parents.
My office is not a playpen. If you have a child and out in the waiting area you need to hold them in your lap for fear they will run away or cause destruction, do not walk into my office and immediately let them roam free. I do not have a child that comes to work with me, therefore my office has not been baby proofed.
If your child is yelling/crying/drooling and I ask the other parent - the one who doesn't need to be in here - to take the child outside, that is my way of saying: Get your yelling kid out of my office so we can get some work done. If the look on my face after you say, "Nah, that's ok" isn't telling enough, then you probably need glasses.
If I ask you to please keep your child on your lap after they threw stuff off my bookshelf or climbed on top of my filing cabinet, please don't tell me, "Just tell her 'no!' - she listens to strangers!" I am NOT your child's mother (and I have had to say that a couple times). AND if your child doesn't listen to you but listens to strangers, never take your child to the zoo (or any public place). Your child will be kidnapped:
Stranger: Hey kid - come with me.
Kid: OK!
The stranger wouldn't even have to distract your child with a lollipop. You will be the focus of a Lifetime movie.
There are many people that should not have children. I am not one of those people. I should have children - I'd be an awesome mom. But, I don't want my child growing up with yours -so I'm keeping my womb uninhabited. My kid with your bad seed child as an influence would end up being a whole other Lifetime movie and I'd rather not deal with it.
There are certain situations that bug me more than others. I just had an encounter with one: The Non-Parenting Parents.
My office is not a playpen. If you have a child and out in the waiting area you need to hold them in your lap for fear they will run away or cause destruction, do not walk into my office and immediately let them roam free. I do not have a child that comes to work with me, therefore my office has not been baby proofed.
If your child is yelling/crying/drooling and I ask the other parent - the one who doesn't need to be in here - to take the child outside, that is my way of saying: Get your yelling kid out of my office so we can get some work done. If the look on my face after you say, "Nah, that's ok" isn't telling enough, then you probably need glasses.
If I ask you to please keep your child on your lap after they threw stuff off my bookshelf or climbed on top of my filing cabinet, please don't tell me, "Just tell her 'no!' - she listens to strangers!" I am NOT your child's mother (and I have had to say that a couple times). AND if your child doesn't listen to you but listens to strangers, never take your child to the zoo (or any public place). Your child will be kidnapped:
Stranger: Hey kid - come with me.
Kid: OK!
The stranger wouldn't even have to distract your child with a lollipop. You will be the focus of a Lifetime movie.
There are many people that should not have children. I am not one of those people. I should have children - I'd be an awesome mom. But, I don't want my child growing up with yours -so I'm keeping my womb uninhabited. My kid with your bad seed child as an influence would end up being a whole other Lifetime movie and I'd rather not deal with it.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Petite Lap Giraffes
OMG, I need one!!! They are the cutest tiny animals ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You may have seen them on the Direct TV commercial:
The tiny giraffe is at 0:10 running on the treadmill and again at 0:24 with a tiny little towel around its neck, post-workout.
Or on this Direct TV commercial. He kisses the giraffe at the end.
You can go HERE to the Sokoblovsky Farms website and watch the Giraffe-Cam and see them play. As stated on the Russian website (and read in a Russian accent of course), "If not see him, don't worry he come back." heeeheeeheee!
There's a daddy named Vladmir.
A mommy named Raina.
And maybe another mommy (I don't know the dynamics of petite lap giraffe mating) named Svetlana.
The website notes that they are expecting a baby from Vladmir and Raina in 156 days. However, "this baby reserved by prince for birthday gift." Dang it! Does anyone else think this is something that Blair should be given by a suitor (not Dan--he could never afford it) on Gossip Girl?
I might (maybe, perhaps) be number 343,695 on the waiting list for a petite lap giraffe. Although I didn't have to enter any information...hmmm. Perhaps this website is all a joke. But I have seen Vladmir on the giraffe-cam. That surly can't be a joke...can it?
What do you think the pet deposit is for a petite lap giraffe in an apartment?
You may have seen them on the Direct TV commercial:
The tiny giraffe is at 0:10 running on the treadmill and again at 0:24 with a tiny little towel around its neck, post-workout.
Or on this Direct TV commercial. He kisses the giraffe at the end.
You can go HERE to the Sokoblovsky Farms website and watch the Giraffe-Cam and see them play. As stated on the Russian website (and read in a Russian accent of course), "If not see him, don't worry he come back." heeeheeeheee!
There's a daddy named Vladmir.
A mommy named Raina.
And maybe another mommy (I don't know the dynamics of petite lap giraffe mating) named Svetlana.
The website notes that they are expecting a baby from Vladmir and Raina in 156 days. However, "this baby reserved by prince for birthday gift." Dang it! Does anyone else think this is something that Blair should be given by a suitor (not Dan--he could never afford it) on Gossip Girl?
I might (maybe, perhaps) be number 343,695 on the waiting list for a petite lap giraffe. Although I didn't have to enter any information...hmmm. Perhaps this website is all a joke. But I have seen Vladmir on the giraffe-cam. That surly can't be a joke...can it?
What do you think the pet deposit is for a petite lap giraffe in an apartment?
Tiny Hats
The internet is a wondrous place. It used to be (you know, in the good ol' days) that you could only experience/laugh at/be ashamed of [the human race] the stupidity of those who you interacted with on a daily basis. It is a terrible thing for cynics, but a wonderful thing for everything else.
Now, I can laugh at and, in this case, be delighted by strangers. For example I came across this on Best Week Ever:
It immediately reminded me of this:
Tiny hats are taking over. Just don't super glue one to your head.
Now, I can laugh at and, in this case, be delighted by strangers. For example I came across this on Best Week Ever:
It immediately reminded me of this:
Tiny hats are taking over. Just don't super glue one to your head.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Thoughts That Make Me a Bad Person
I'm pretty sure this could be a recurring post: Thoughts that go through my head and are immediately followed by a wave of guilt for thinking such a thing.
This morning, I read on CNN that the President will be giving an address regarding our strategy in Libya at 7:30 pm and my immediate thought was:
Oh no! What TV show is this going to preempt?
This morning, I read on CNN that the President will be giving an address regarding our strategy in Libya at 7:30 pm and my immediate thought was:
Oh no! What TV show is this going to preempt?
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Pink Power
I just want to thank the person who came up with the pink port-a-potties. No one likes to use a port-a-potty, but there are times when you are at an event and have no other choice. The pink ones are just for women (some are unisex) and it makes such a big difference. Women are just plain neater (I won't go into details). So thank you whomever you are for making a not fun thing a little bit easier to handle.
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