Picky

I had this conversation with a male friend of mine today. One of his rants went a little something like this:

"There are so many guys out there. You women are just too fuckin picky. You could trip on 8 willing dicks on a [1/2-mile] walk[.] I'm sure one of them would be fit for a little while at least. A lot harder for a man these days. Especially one with no [dating] skills whatsoever anymore."

You bet your sweet ass I'm picky!

Have you seen THIS?! (Well, no you haven't lovely blogosphere of mine, but trust me. It's cute.) THIS is amazing, inside and out. I'm not going to just take whatever happens to thrust in my general direction. And besides...of my circle(s) of friends, I'm middle-of-the-road picky. There are more and less picky girls out there besides me.

Anyway, all this got me to thinking. What is it that I'm picky about? I'm beyond the age of hooking up. For the most part, I'm beyond the point of "getting" boys just for the sake of getting them. So what is it that I'm looking for? What do I want?

First of all, I'm very cautious about the "happily ever after." I'm not really sure it still exists in 2011. Part personal experience and part jaded from exposure to the world. It's going to take a lot for me to get married. I've had friends who have married and been really confident that he's "the one." I know that whatever kind of love it is that they are feeling is nothing I've ever experienced. I'm also not about wasting time with the wrong dude. I don't need to date just to date. Lastly, my ideal situation would be to be friends with a dude and that turns into a lovely relationship. I don't like seeking out strangers.

So here it is. My list.

-Has a job. Dudes like to hate all the time because chicks want the guy with the good job, the dude with ambition who can pay their telephone bills. Thanks Beyonce. Whatever. I want you to have a j-o-b. I don't care if you are the cute boy doing construction outside my office window (shout-out!) or a Wall Street banker. Just pay your own way in life.

-Doesn't live in his parents' house. An exception is made for older parents who live with him because they are ailing. I don't care if a dude rents and has a roommate or owns a house and lives alone. Just be self-sufficient.

-Hasn't done time. County, state, or federal. This is totally based on personal experience. Been there, tried that. I would say this could be flexible, but I think it's probably best for me to have this bright-line rule.

-Doesn't currently use drugs or have any desire to use them in the future. We all have a past. Maybe yours includes drugs of some sort. Fine. But not now. That's not okay with me. The sheer illegality is a huge turn-off.

-Doesn't regularly smoke cigarettes. Drunk with your buddies may be one thing. Habitual use is another. I'm just not going to get involved in that. Because then there will be all this resentment. And then when I get knocked up and you don't stop smoking, that's really going to piss me off that you choose yourself over your baby.

-Isn't butt-ugly. Cute points can be made up by funny points.

-Confident. Be who you are. Proudly.


I think one of the things boys don't realize, is that there is a whole other list. A list of characteristics or attributes that are not deal-breakers. It's more of a scaled list of what I'm more attracted to. A dude can be those things up there, but I can still not be attracted. I don't think I have to settle on a dude that's not a deal-breaker just because he's not a deal-breaker.

The dude I'm attracted to is:

-Funny. I am totally in love with David Letterman, despite him being my father's age and not-so-hot. Why? Because he has made me laugh for years.

-Protective. I like a dude that's going to look out for me physically. That is something that has to be ingrained in him as a child. You don't have to be, and in fact I prefer that you not be, the dude that gets in a fight because some tool looked at me funky. But I'm your most-prized possession and you should treat me as such.

-Manly/macho. You should not have more hair product than me. You should always be ready to take care of the cockroaches for me. You should take out the trash.

-Girthy. HAHAHA. I didn't know how else to say that. You cannot wear a shirt smaller than a large. You need to feel and look like a man.


I think this second list limits the pool of people I am willing to date and then I look for those within that have/don't have those deal-breakers.

Btw, if you think THIS is picky, invite me over for a bottle of wine and get me to list for you the FULL list. The list of things if I were building my perfect dude; it's long and complicated, but hot-damn he is perfect (for me)! While I may be demanding and picky, I am not near what I could be. And for that you should be thankful.